Thursday, June 3, 2010

The Confessions
Mae B. Yew

I've Got a Man!
June 03, 2010

The last time we spoke I was sportin’ a goose egg on my forehead (compliments of Momma). If you missed my last confession, you can find it at Momma and the Goose Egg.

Shortly after I lost my mind and blew up at Momma, I apologized because I was wrong. I don’t know how ya’ll were raised, but I was taught to never ever disrespect my momma.

Do you know what she did? Momma kissed my goose egg and said, “Baby, I’m sorry I put this thing on your beautiful face.” She hugged me real tight, and her gardenia perfume drifted over me in a loving, fragrant cloud.

That was sweet wasn’t it? Wait. There’s more. Then she said, “But if you ever speak to me like that again, I’ll knock you into tomorrow, then love on ya just like this when you come to.”

What can I say? That’s my momma.

Enough about Momma and my goose egg. Ya’ll, I’ve got a man!

When I became a Christian, I’m not sure what happened. Men of substance stopped coming near me, and losers won’t stay away from me. There are periods—long periods—when men don’t seem to even look at me. Sittin’ home on Friday and Saturday nights when I’d rather be out on dates is no fun at all! I’m just keepin’ it real, and I know there are some sisters out there who feel my pain.

But I’m not keepin’ my TV company anymore. I’m out and about, enjoyin’ my man!

I met Edward on the internet. That’s somethin’ my friend Justine can never know, or she won't let me live it down. I can hear her now. “The Bible says…” And if there isn’t an applicable scripture, she’ll probably make one up.

Don’t get me wrong. Just is my girl. She’s my best friend. She also works my last nerve because she’s so rigid when it comes to her walk with Christ. That’s a good thing, but I’m not there yet. The Lord’s workin’ on me, but He still has a whole lot of work to do.

Eddie and I had been dating a month before I told Just about him. That’s right. A whole month! See…there was a teeny, tiny problem. You’ll understand when I tell you how my conversation with her went.

She and I were hangin’ out at my place, sharin’ an Indian takeout when I finally worked up enough courage to tell her about my man.

I took a deep breath and took the plunge. “Just, I’m dating a guy named Edward.”

The fork full of chicken vindaloo and rice stopped en route to Just’s mouth. I knew what she was about to ask me. I had to keep control of the conversation. “He’s a believer.”

Just placed the fork and untouched food on her plate, eyeing me the entire time. “What exactly does he believe?”

Now, I ask you why did she have to go there? Why couldn’t she have just let that pass? Any normal person would have just said okay. But I was ready for her.

I answered with the innocence of a child, “That Jesus Christ is the Son of God, He died on the cross for our sins, He rose on the third day, and He’s now sitting on the right hand of the Father in Heaven.” Mentally, I stuck my tongue out at her.

She gave me a fake smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “The Bible says demons believe there is one God and tremble.”

Ya’ll, I could’ve hit her.

Just crossed her arms. “I know you, Mae. Stop playing with me and tell me what I want to know. Is Edward a born-again believer? Is he a Christian?” She held up a hand. “And before you go off on one of your word games again, let me define Christian for you: Christ-like or one who follows the teachings of Christ.”

I rolled my eyes at her and sucked my teeth. Was I being childish? Yes, but it felt good. “No,” I answered after a hard stare.

She exhaled a deep sigh. “Mae, you know better.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “Just, the Bible says not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Eddie is a believer.” So there, Ms. The-Bible-Says!

“Mae, the Bible also asks how can two walk together except they agree?”

“Well, I don’t see anything wrong with me dating him.” My neck rolled all through that statement.

Just rested her elbows on the table. “In a relationship like yours, somebody is going to change. Either you will change, or he will.”

There’s no other way to put this, but I squirmed in my seat. Me. A… never-you-mind year-old woman. I knew where Just was goin’ with that statement. “I put boundaries in place when Eddie and I first started dating. He knows what’s what.”

“Has he respected those boundaries, or have they shifted?”

Ya’ll I experienced a heat wave that had nothing to do with Florida’s hot sun as recent encounters I’d had with Eddie flashed through my mind. I’ll admit—to you, not her—I’ve had to do some tricky maneuvering to get him out the door and keep my virtue intact.

“Mmm-hmm,” Just rapped her fingers on the table. “I thought so.”

Now, I hadn’t said a word. What was she doing all up in my thoughts?

The silence in the room grew thick, and I “felt” Just praying for me. That angered me ‘cause all I was doin’ was tryin’ to find a little piece of happiness.

I thought of a passage of scripture. I’d like to say the Lord dropped it into my Spirit, but I’d be lying. Listen up, and you’ll see why.

“Just,” I snapped, “you are always talkin’ about what the Bible says, but have you forgotten that Jesus commissioned the disciples to go out among the unbelievers and win souls?”

She shook her head. “No, Mae, I haven’t forgotten. We have the same commission, today.” She reached across the table and touched my hand. “But—and this is a big but—the Lord has not commissioned us to missionary date.”

My anger left me on an involuntary laugh. “Sometimes, I hate you.”

Her laughter joined mine. “No, you don’t.” She winked. “Girl, you know you love me.”

I started doodling on the table with my index finger. “Justine, Eddie’s so good to me. He makes me feel special. He…completes me.”

Just shot up out of her seat and leaned over the table. “He…completes…you? That's rubbish!”

She retrieved my Bible from the coffee table and began flipping the pages, all the while muttering about women being broken and hurt as a result of seeking completion from men rather than from the right source.

She brought the Bible over and placed it on the table in front of me, pointing to a scripture. “Do you see this? Colossians 2:10 says, ‘and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.’” She moved back to her chair. “Christ completes you. Not a man. When you enter a relationship, you should be two whole/complete people coming together. A man complements you. He...does...” Her hand smacked the table. “You got that? Don’t you ever let me hear you say that again.”

Good grief! “Alright already. Christ completes me. My man does not complete me.”

“Mae, I want you to be happy,” Just said. “You need to count up the cost.”

“I am happy…with Eddie.”

Just blew a gust of air out through her nose. “Girl, you need to drop that man like he’s hot.”

I looked at her like she had two heads. “You need to take your complete self on home and look at your TV by yourself while I go on a date tonight with my man.”

Just laughed at me and shook her head.

Now, you understand why I put off telling Justine about Edward.

What’s your opinion? Should I drop Eddie like he’s hot, or should I keep my man?

I’d love to hear from you.

Until next time…

Written by Toni V. Lee


  1. Hello Mae,

    I totally understand where you're coming from. I have been single for 11 years and my TV has kept me company many Friday and Saturday nights. :-) However, your friend Justine is right. Edward is not sold out for Christ and that's the kind of man you need. Don't settle because you don't want to be alone anymore, it's not worth it because you'll only end up getting hurt in the end. You know one thing that helps me in my singleness is that I have so many wonderful sisters in Christ that I can hang out with, go shopping, talk, cry, laugh whatever. They are genuine women of God and they keep me accountable just like your friend Justine! That is something I value because I know they love me enough to tell me the truth. So Mae, let Edward go and let God prepare you for His best. In the meantime, seek God and see what His plans are for you while you're waiting. :-)

    Your sister in Christ,
    Mary Grace

  2. Hi Mary! This is Mae.

    Thank you for being honest and admittin' that you know where I'm comin' from.

    I hear everything you're sayin' sister, but I'm not goin' to lie to ya and say I'm about to give up my Eddie.

    Last night, he took me to dinner at one of Disney's exclusive resort hotels. He knows how much I love red roses, so he had a huge bouquet waitin' for me at the table. All through dinner, he told me how beautiful I was, and how happy he was that he'd finally found a woman like me.

    Girrrrl, I don't have to tell ya I was floatin' on cloud nine.

    No way does a night like that--except for the tense moments I experienced when I had to make him cancel the room reservations he'd made--compare to shopping with your girlfriends.

  3. Mae, sometimes we know what we're supposed to do, but we reject the answer because it's not what we want to do. So you haven't slept with Eddie, but have you changed in other ways? Are you still reading your bible as much as you used to? Are you attending church as much as you used to? Are you staying away from the friends you know don't approve of your relationship with Eddie? These are not good changes. I reread you testimony, What Had Happened Was. I advise you to take a trip down memory lane and think about where God brought you from. Do you want to be that girl again?

  4. Ah, Mae!

    I so identify with you. I mean, I've been where you are now, but from the testosterone-laden side of the fence.

    The thing is, Mae, remaining chaste is THE hardest struggle a man has. (Go ahead, ask me how I know.) A man with a compelling reason--that is, to please Christ--and the power of the indwelling Holy Spirit can, with prayer and diligence, stay the course. A man without those two things is doomed to failure, even if he WANTS to remain chaste.

    The really tough part is, he'll drag you down with him, even if he doesn't want or intend to. Been there, done that.

    Your friend, Justine, may be a bit blunt, but she's also right. You deserve more, girl. Sit back and cool your heels on this one. The right man is out there.

    There's one more thing: God just may not bring Mr. Right to you unless and until you're completely satisfied with His love as your only comfort. Once you're really, deep-down-inside content with Him alone--even to the point of not caring if that dream is restored, He may just bring Mr. Right around. I've seen it many times. And the marvelous part of it is, then you'll be ready, really ready for a healthy relationship because your priorities will be right.

    Give it some prayer.


  5. Hi Faye.

    I have cut back some on my church attendance, but it has nothin' to do with Eddie. I mean, after workin' hard all week, I deserve to play a little bit. By the time Sunday rolls around, I'm beat! I usually sleep in on Sunday mornings--not every Sunday, just some of them. I have to rest up for Monday morning.

    I've stopped attending the weekly singles bible study. I work hard all day, and I just want to go home and unwind after work. Nothin' unwinds me like chattin' on the phone with my Eddie.

    No, I'm not going back to the girl I was before I became a Christian. As you can see, I'm alright.

  6. Mae, you may be deluding yourself with that whole, "I haven't changed" bit you've got going on there. (It's also called being "deceived.") That means you are making excuses for going in the wrong direction.

    "I deserve to play a little bit"? Does that extend to what Eddie wants to do as well?

    Think back. Are those your words... or his?

    Further, "Nothin' unwinds me like chattin' on the phone with my Eddie" sounds suspiciously like, "I've got better things to do than hang out with God at some boring ol' Bible Study."

    Now, I'm not knocking you because we've all been there... making excuses because the relationship God wants feels so hard, but in reality it is the easiest thing you will EVER do.

    And trust me, roses are nice but selling your soul for them ain't so grand.

    Keep us posted.

  7. Wow! Sam, I had to chew on your response for a bit before I could respond.

    I've always wondered what was going on in Eddie's mind. Now, I have a clue. I understand why he says he respects my boundaries, but keeps trying to tear them down.

    I'm not going to drop Eddie right now, but I will keep chewin' on what you said and pray about it. Honest, I will. You've given me something to think about.

    Thank you so much for stoppin' by.

  8. Anonymous, if I didn't know any better, I'd think Justine had posted your comment. You didn't pepper it with a lot of "The Bible says" or "You know the Word says", but you sound just as firm as she does.

    At this point, I'm watchin' and prayin'. I'm also doing some self-evaluation.

    Thanks for stopping by.